Perceptions

I am so thankful for my opportunity to be the Education/Mission Trip Coordinator for Hope for Korah. It's a privilege that I take very seriously. I've struggled for months with a back injury that I felt had limited me. As others planned further trips to Ethiopia, I was feeling at a real loss as I knew that I was staying behind. I wanted so badly to go back to Korah. More than occasionally, I reminded myself that my perception of being held back was just that, "my perception". As months have gone by and I've really taken a long, hard look at all that I have experienced in Ethiopia over the last two years, I realized that nothing was stopping me from pressing on in my advocacy of the poor. Advocacy didn't have to mean going to Ethiopia (although I'd love to be on that plane in August!). Advocacy meant being a voice for the poor and my voice was as loud and clear here as it would be there. My perceptions of "restriction" were becoming just that...a restriction to my potential service to the people of Korah. So, I made the commitment to dive into what I love - learning and bringing awareness to others. I decided to do what I could, even if it would start out small, but to do it with all my heart. And, what a better way to do that than through imparting knowledge about poverty to volunteers that are about to embark on a transformative journey of a lifetime. Perceptions. That's what we struggle with as we attempt to understand poverty too. As North Americans, we think that we understand what poverty really looks like. No food, no water, no clothes, no health care, no school, no income. This is our mostly material view of poverty. But, poverty embodies so much more than that. Poverty has a face. Poverty's face has a heart and that heart feels poverty on a very deep level. The best way to know what poverty looks like and how it feels is to ask the poor themselves. We may think that going on a mission's trip will give us a full understanding of poverty. In reality, it will give us a tiny glimpse. We will see the pain, the suffering and the injustice. But, we will also return to our own comforts and securities. If we are students, school will await us and opportunities will meet us every day. If we are adults, our families will be provided for and our sense of safety, security and other aspects of our life are unlikely to waver. After a trip to an impoverished community, we will never have to stay there in the circumstances and suffering of the poor and continue enduring as they do. We get the "quick peek" at poverty, without ever having to truly “feel” its oppression. The poor get a "lifetime" of its grip. And so, what do the poor say about poverty? Yes, they hunger for food and thirst for water. They wish that they had medical care that was easily accessible and free. They don’t like having tattered clothes or their loved ones getting sick. They wish their kids could go to school. But even more so, they crave dignity, hope, and opportunity. They want to be acknowledged and deeply loved. They are tired of feeling like a lost cause. They don’t want to feel forgotten. They could do away with shame, fear, abandonment, isolation, desperation, and the feeling of being trapped in an ongoing no win situation. They want to have a voice…that is heard and respected. Do we think that our perceptions of poverty will bring them what they need? Yes, we can bring water and food. Yes, we can bring clothes and build homes and schools. But, how do we build self-confidence and self-reliance? How do we take away the pain and darkness of shame? How do we overcome hopelessness? Is it possible that we must empower ourselves in the process as well? But, with what you ask? To be effective servants of the poor, we must equip ourselves with a deep knowledge of their culture, their values, their political structures, their social networks, and the true reasons for their lack of access and opportunities. We can try to "help" to bring them what we think they need. But, isn't it best to ask them what they need rather than assuming that we know best? Then we can serve them from that place of true understanding. The poor are poor in spirit because they do not feel empowered. Empower a people and you will surely see the riches of the poor. You will see the richness of their many gifts, talents and bountiful community resources. Transform your perceptions with a solid education on poverty and you will begin to bring change to the world. Knowledge is power. And that's why I'm so grateful to be in this place of serving the people of Korah from a distance. I can help to impart the truth behind poverty issues and development. I can help to equip others to serve out of a knowledge that will truly empower the powerless and the voiceless. I could believe the perception that I am sitting here, held back at a distance. But, I choose to believe the truth, which is that my heart is already there in Korah. I can’t get much closer than that! I can serve with an open heart, hands stretched out thanking God for the opportunity to love His people, as He has asked me to do.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine what it's like to crouch down on the floor,
with mud for walls and dusty floors and stomachs with no more?
And just a tiny slit in the mud, cracks down a ray of light,
But on those stormy cold wet nights, there's no comfort close in sight.

Can you imagine what it's like to have no food and scrounge it every day?
To walk barefoot to the dump because mother has no pay.
And pick up rotten fruits and meat that no one else will eat
It's either this or spend the day begging on the street.

And did you know we have no water to wash or cook or drink?
Only the water falling from the sky into our dirty old bucket sink.
To get water we have to walk an hour and a half away,
And even then, that's only if we have money with which to pay.
And if we send our children, we pray they'll be alright,
It can be just as scary as the things that happen in our nights.

Can you imagine what it's like to watch your loved ones die?
Afflicted with curable diseases taken long before their time.
And did you know that often times in shallow graves they lay?
Right in our homes, beneath our feet, that's where they have to stay.

Can you imagine what it's like to be outcast and alone?
While others think that we are cursed and still would throw out stones?
God, I cry out! I've been told that I'm loved and I am yours,
Then, please bring your love, your hope, and your light,
Through our darkened crumbling doors.

Today, I saw some people I've never ever seen!
No one has ever dared to come. I don't know how long it's been.
They walked along the rain drenched roads, reaching out to touch.
No one has ever done that...the warmth, it meant so much.

They even came inside our homes and cared enough to pray,
And this made our hearts to feel that hope was one its' way.
They've come to fill our many needs, every day there's something more.
It revives our souls to see that God has so much more in store.

Their love, it shows Lord, that you're more than able to provide for all our needs,
And for those out there that just don't know, we pray you'll plant the seeds.
May they be able to give up comforts, so that we may merely live,
Willing hearts and serving hands, that's all they need to give.

And now we know we're not alone, forgotten and secluded.
God is bringing His love to Korah and everyone's included.
For God so loved the world that He gave up His only Son,
That all might be free with life overflowing - each and every one.

Angie Appenheimer
August 2010 - after my trip to Korah last year

A God of wonders

Just over a year ago, I was in Korah. As I read Eve's blog (www.hopeforkorah.blogspot.com), I marvel at all that the Lord has done in Korah. I also marvel at how He got us to Korah, through incredible circumstances, that at the time, seemed very bizarre and unexpected. He took us through volcanoes erupting, lost luggage, failed plans and then some! Unexpected to us...not to God! Around the time of the time of the Imagine Adoption bankruptcy, a staff member there passed along the name of an organization that would have a team in Sululta, the same town that our team was to visit on our planned medical missions trip. At the time, I remember feeling quite discouraged with all that had gone on with Imagine. I didn't even feel like I had the emotional energy to pursue this contact. I filed the contact with merely a quick glance of the first name. Months later, as I organized my email folder, I came across that same email. I had already heard of this organization and looked at their website. God hinted to me that this was worth pursuing - even though I had "filed" it along ago. I contacted the lady and had a great conversation about our upcoming and plans for our time there. In our discussions, I mentioned that I was a little leary of staying in local accomodation in Sululta for reasons of safety, etc. She suggested that I contact the Ethiopia Guest House. Their organization had stayed there and was very pleased. The drive back and forth to Sululta was going to be a long one from Addis where the Guest house was situated...and so I gave it much thought and prayer. The distance and possible incoveniences didn't seem to make much sense. At the same time, something in my heart continued to pursue the thought.

I finally contacted the Guest House owner and knew right away that this was the place that we were to be - distant from our mission or not. Funny how God works! Our trip in Sululta didn't work out. We ended up spending our remaining time in Korah....right in Addis! In planning for the team, I remember asking the Guest House owner if he could give me some ideas of where to take the team so that they could experience a full view of poverty. He gave me about 10 suggestions. As I glanced over the many ideas, "Korah" caught my eye. A leper community by a trash dump? I couldn't even grasp what would this would be like. A few days after our arrival, I asked the receptionist to get us a driver so that we could go to Korah. "Korah? Where's that?" she said. And so, on that very special, God-ordained day, we travelled into Korah for what would become a life changing experience. Before our arrival in Korah, only a few had entered into Korah from the outside world. Ours was the first medical team. For 75 years, Korah had sat on the edge of the trash dump feeling alone and forgotten. Entering into Korah not only opened our eyes wide open to the harsh realities of impoverishment, it opened our hearts deeply to the love that God has for His people. In this last year, God has moved powerfully in Korah. He has brought immense love, hope and a future to a place that seemed unknown and forgotten. Team after team has come to extend their hands, feet and hearts in service. There is now a sponsorship program for 250 children. A family sponsorship program has begun. There is a nutritional program, income generation.....and so much more. The possibilities are endless...just like the love of God! It is so evident to me that no plan or desire of our hearts is left untended by the Lord. He took our desire to love and care for the people of Ethiopia to new and un-chartered places. He used us to reach out with His unfailing love. He is truly a God of wonders!

Feeding the poor

I just love this picture. Not only do I know who the people are, I've met them...in Korah. Sammy (the server) is a young man who God has called to lead the community of Korah. He used to live at the garbage dump himself. God took hold of him and he has been serving his community faithfully. This poor old man is unable to feed himself. Some days, he can't get out of bed. I remember meeting him in his home. His room is dark, and very dirty. He lays at night on a bed made of layers of dirty clothes and blankets. He does have a window, but it is very difficult for him to turn around and enjoy what's out there. To see him being served is a true joy. And to see Jesus, right there with him, leaves an even more powerful impression on my heart and soul. Jesus loves the lepers. He loves the prostitutes, the mothers with HIV, the orphans, even the men that get drunk at night who feel entirely trapped and hopeless with their destitution. Jesus is there right now in Korah serving the poor...through my friends Eve and Dave, through the countless many that have left the comforts of their home to serve the poor. And when we step out of our comforts to do this...we are serving Jesus Himself. My heart is full of joy. It is deeply connected in a way I can't describe.
I guess that I feel the joy, the hope, and the love of God...for each of my dear brothers and sisters in Korah. God bless them all.

God is SO good

I can't think of any other title that would better fit this post. I've had the incredible joy of reading a post from the Hope for Korah blog that my friend Eve created. She is now there in Ethiopia in Korah after a full year of working tirelessly to plan for her return. As I read through the post and saw the pictures, my heart was completely flooded with emotions. Beylanesh, a leper who a year ago lived in a dark, dingy, and filthy shack which was no more than 10x10, was now living in a larger, much brighter home, nicely decorated with the pictures that Eve had sent over the last year. Beylanesh herself had sheer joy written all over her face. I couldn't believe the difference in this woman! Not only did she look joyful, she had the look of hope in her eyes and in her smile. Her children no longer looked downtrodden. Last year, none of them smiled. They looked down or looked away, with what I imagined would be deep shame or sorrow. But now, one year later, with the love and hope that Eve had given them over the last year, they smiled big smiles, their eyes gleamed and there again, I saw HOPE, clear as day.

It is very hard to put into words how this makes my heart feel. Two years ago, I went to Ethiopia for the first time. Inspired by the beautiful people of Ethiopia and their incredibly difficult plight, I promised myself, and them, that I would return to journey with them in the beginning steps of changing their world...one step and one person at a time. A year later I returned with a team of 8. While our original plans were to serve at a rural medical clinic, we instead were directed to Korah. In Korah, my heart sank to its absolute depths. I could not come to grips with the immeasurable destitution that thousands of people accepted as their daily reality and fate. We stepped into these dark shacks that I spoke of and entered momentarily into the worlds of the poor. Nothing will ever compare to those moments in my life. Nothing will motivate me more to be a change in our broken world than those dear, poor people. And so, when I read Eve's stories and see her pictures, my heart leaps out in gratitude. It leaps out with joy for Eve, as she witnesses first hand the incredible difference that she has made in the lives of Beylanesh and her family. My heart fills with gratitude as I come to more fully comprehend the immense love of God for each and every person in Korah. Not one person thereis forgotten. That God would love so personally and so deeply is utterly amazing to me. I am in awe that God would stretch out His hand across continents to love the people of Korah through willing servants. I feel so humbled and blessed...and eager to be but one of those servants.

Life is not always comfortable. As much as we would love it to be that way, it just isn't. The popular world view is that we can take control of our life, and direct it however we choose. But the fact is, that our lives are not directed by our plans. And if we've experienced hardships, we can be particularly tempted to retreat into a variety of emotional disconnects. We can run away from pain and discomforts, we can hide from them, or we can pretend that we've got everything under control...not even feeling a need to take notice of the world around us. That's called complacency and it is the affliction of our current generation. And then, if something comes along to challenges us, that perhaps asks us to reach beyond our comfort zone, it's just so easy for us to say, "That's not for me"...."I'd like to live my life within my own parameters....safely, comfortably, with no pain. Don't ask me to go there." Again, life is not like that. I remember going to Korah, Ethiopia, the leper colony of 130,000 last April. I walked into the world of mind boggling destitution, HIV, TB, leprosy, filth. It was unbelievably overwhelming. And there might have been a part of me that could have chosen to stay "safe" and not even go in, or not to look as closely. Or perhaps, I could have looked closely, but not allowed things to grip my heart. I could have chosen to be a "visitor" and then walk away back into my comfortable world. I could have said, "Boy, that was utterly horrible, but it's just so much bigger than me...there's nothing I can do." We can't walk through life like that. And it doesn't have to be out of the example of walking through an African slum. It can be right in our own family, our own neighborhood, in the midst of our own personal struggles. We can't go through life, just "hanging on for dear life" and not engaging what we see, hear and feel. Even in our struggles, especially in our struggles, is the opportunity to grow, to change, and to see the world through God's eyes. We have the incredible opportunity, as we leap out beyond ourselves, to reach out to others in a very profound way. We will have done it by letting go of ourselves, even in our most difficult situations, and made the decision to take our life, put it out there and make our worlds a better place. Watch this video below. This is exactly how we can live our lives...."hanging on for "dear safe life", behind the disguise of safety and comfort. And if we think that this is truly living, then we have a few things to think about.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner...

So many options. Funny thing is that we determine breakfast, lunch and dinner by the time of day that we eat and the foods that we eat. So, for breakfast, you'd eat cereal with milk, maybe some fruit. Or, you could eat bacon and eggs with toast and orange juice. Lunch? Well, a light lunch with soup and a sandwich or maybe just some yoghurt and fruit if you're conserving on calories. Ok, breakfast runs between 7am and maybe 10am if you're a late starter. Lunch? Well, the conventional time is noon. And, if you want to get really spoiled as far as choices, you can do "brunch". Dinner is generally a heavier meal and around 5 to 7pm. This morning I had the luxury of sleeping in (which I NEVER do) and got out of bed at 10am. I was finished eating eggs and toast around 11:30am. Then, someone said, "That's not breakfast, that's lunch!" What difference does it make?

Here's what I thought. Really, we have the privilege of choosing not only what we ?eat, but when we eat it. We can choose a late or light breakfast. We can choose an early or late breakfast or brunch. We can choose any and ALL the details of our daily food intake. We never go hungry and yet we hear our kids say things like, "I'm starving...what's for snack? Snack? Yes, another time that we can choose to eat YET AGAIN. Wonder where this is going? Well, maybe we should just be plain grateful that we get to eat and not worry so much about fussing over all the details. Whether breakfast is early or late, small or big, we will NEVER have to scrounge for our food. We will most likely NEVER experience not having choices. We will never know what it feels like to be "starving". So, today when I ate my "breakfast" eggs at 11:00am, I realized how grateful I was to be able to HAVE choice, nutritious foods and the privilege of choosing how often I could eat.

It made me think of the poor men, women and children in the Addis slum of Korah....and the many slums all over the world, where there is no breakfast, lunch and dinner. There's just an empty stomach and no where to go...but to a place of despair and disease. And please, let's not forget that when we do take our luxuries and privileges for granted, that we are dishonoring those that don't have all that we do. Even better, maybe we could eat a little more conservatively. We could even get healthier in the process. Then, we could go the extra mile give the extra money that we saved to the poor! Now that sounds like a great meal plan!

A walk in the park..

Yesterday, I went for a nice long trail walk. As I entered the serenity of nature, I asked myself this question, "Why is it that I have the incredible privilege of taking this walk? I can take my time soaking in the sun, breathing in the fresh air and taking in all of nature's delights" It might seem like a silly question, but have we ever really considered all that we take for granted in our lives? Things as simple as a walk? We have the privilege of walking for leisure whenever we choose. Walking is enjoyable, relaxing and a real treat as we take in nature's many sounds and sights. Ever thought of what a walk represents in the poorest of countries? It is straining and arduous. There is no no relaxation or leisure when your walk is for sheer survival. There is no comfort in carrying huge bales of bamboo on your back up a steep mountain road several times a day. There is no comfort in carrying 50 pound containers of water on your head, as you walk on crumbling roads barefoot,for one and a half hours in each direction. It breaks a mother's heart to watch her children have to do it too. There is no comfort in walking in the pouring rain to the local garbage dump to scrounge for the family's daily meal. I've never appreciated walking to the extent that I do now. It is yet another luxury that I enjoy with complete freedom that others will never have. So, next time you're out for a leisurely walk, remember those that don't have the privileges that we do. Keep them in your prayers. And if you are so led, consider taking a small part in their lives. There are so many ways that you can make a difference. The journey of giving to others starts with a heart willing to beat beyond itself. One step at a time....one person at a time, we CAN make a difference. Potentially, we could eliminate those discouraging walks to the dump. We COULD help to bring clean water to places like Korah. We COULD bring hope to others. We may not be able to go there and do it with our own hands and feet, but we could take a "walk" of faith, reach out and journey alongside them to a place of greater prosperity. All walks are done one step at a time!

Oh, my aching back...

Today I had a physio appointment for my back. I was told that I should do some traction while I was there, so on to a table I hopped and got strapped in so that 35kg could pull on my hips and relieve some disc compression. It wasn't the most fun thing to do. As I lay there, I had a 2 way path of thoughts. "Boy, this is something else. Why is my back so sore? When is it going to get better? How much longer? Physio is so expensive...etc, etc." Then the flip side to that. " "Boy, I can't imagine being someone in the leper colony of Korah, in Addis Ethiopia. I can't imagine hauling boulders all day long for 50 cents a day. I can't imagine the kind of sore back that would give me, or the sore back that I'd have from walking 1 1/2 hours to get my water every single day. What would it feel like to work hard every single day with my hands, picking out rotten food from the dump so that I could feed my kids. I can't imagine what it would be like not to have a doctor to see, much less a physiotherapist. What am I thinking? Ok, now that I've walked that train of thought, I can realign myself to a more realistic reality. My circumstances will NEVER be as bad as those poor people that I met last year. It's not a bad thing to have the privilege of being able to get better here in North America, but we must never forget how blessed we are, or how very much others struggle. With a focus on recovering ourselves, mentally, physically, spiritually, we can focus our strengths and abilities toward caring for those we love including our families and our friends. But, may we never for one moment forget those that need us desperately in other places, like Korah in Ethiopia. And remember, there are Korahs all over the world, even in our own cities. In wholeness, may we never take our health, opportunities, talents or abilities for granted. In wholeness, may we choose to take the focus off ourselves and bless the world, one person at a time.

No sitting required...

I recently stepped down from my position at Hope Adoption. This was a very difficult decision for me since I have loved journeying with people in their adoptions. Hope was also the springboard for my glimpse into true impoverishment. It opened my eyes and my heart to the immense destitution that exists in our world by introducing me to my travels to Ethiopia in 2009 and 2010. Life hasn't been the same since.

I injured my back in November and recovery has been slow. Sitting makes recovery even more slow. So, in order to focus on recovering my back and to give more time to my family, I decided to step down. I have to admit that this back issue sure felt very restrictive to me. Christmas holidays were difficult without the ability to sit and visit alot. Long car rides were out of the question. Even resuming car rides to school for my kids in the New Year seemed to exact alot of effort. I was feeling very disillusioned with my perceived inabilities.

If I couldn't sit, how could I possibly do all the things that I loved to do? Things like my journeying with people in their adoptions or their life events, sitting at my desk journalling, spending time at my dining room table coming up with creative ideas to continue advocating for the poor in a leper colony in Ethiopia where I had travelled. How could I sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with friends if my sitting was limited to 30 minutes before I had to get up? How could I drive down the Oregon Coast with my family? How would I be able to go back to Ethiopia, on a plane ride of over 24 hours? I was discouraged.

Then, today I gained a new perspective. As I stood and watched a video about a Haitian orphanage ministry at my kitchen counter, I realized that there were many more ways of doing things than what I was used to or comfortable with. I realized that God didn't require me to "sit" to do His work. He simply required my heart to be engaged.

If I couldn't sit, then I could stand. If I couldn't stand or sit when my back was sore, then I could speak and share with others of the many opportunities to engage impoverishment and help to change the world...one small detail at a time. If for some reason I couldn't talk, then I could go for a quiet walk, sharing my desires for restoration and hope with the Lord. If I couldn't sit, stand, talk or walk, then I could pray for the multitudes of forgotten and impoverished people in the world. I could intercede on their behalf and pray that others would stand in the gap of justice, jump off from sitting on the fence of good intent, speak and share the realities of poverty and the truths of hope and restoration. Sitting wasn't required to share in the joys of life with my family and friends.

So, not being to sit really didn't mean much. It wasn't restrictive at all. The reality is that my heart can be fully alive with the compassion and love that is needed in this world. God will direct the rest of my steps. No sitting required.

Got flyers?

Got my newspaper today. It was 40 pages long. 34 pages of business ads, 340 pages of FLYERS. 46 pages for grocery stores and 294 pages for Christmas shopping! We'd rather spend time and money shopping for things and being consumers? What about the poor with no food, water or education? What about the homeless? Maybe less spending on gifts and more time with our families would be a better investment? After all, we can't take a thing with us when we die, and no one will say, "Boy, I'm sure glad that I indulged in those knick knacks which ended up in the landfill." Or, "I sure would rather have spent my time shopping instead of with my kids." 294 pages of Christmas flyers is just plain WRONG.

Standing up for our community...

I've been in the midst of months of advocating against the closure of my son's small community school. I believe that whether here, or abroad, we must never forget to be a voice for what which we believe. By the way, we lost our battle and the school will close on June 30, 2011. But, all is not lost. We stood for what was right, we raised awareness of the educational systems and their bent to politics and policies. We advocated for our kids, for our community and the senseless tragedy of selling school and public lands to finance short sighted projects. Years down the road, as society crumbles with broken homes, kids doing drugs and falling through the cracks, the school districts will contemplate whether they should have preserved small community schools that support and maintain the integrity of the whole child.

I think that part of the problem that we have is a lack of awareness of what it takes to raise a child. It takes community and the more we give up our right and freedoms in that regard, we are removing the stability from our future generations.
We should not be selling public and school lands to draw a quick dollar. We should not create large mega-centres of learning or existing, losing sight of the value of the basic unit of support; the family and the community. We don't need massive homes, schools or debt. We can live much more simply. As rich as we are in North America, I have to say that we are becoming bankrupt in the area of community preservation and values. As poor as people in Africa are...they are rich in community. They do not have alot in a material sense. They are not driven by consumerism and the sheer exhaustive busyness that keeps our lives in a frenzy of lost time at home or of paralyzing debt to maintain our lives. That tireless and paralyzing cycle exists in our homes, in our school systems and in our businesses. What are we doing with our God-given resources and blessings?

I guess that more that I think about our North American way of life, or the things that we are willing to give up (community schools, closing old age homes,etc), the more I realize that fighting for justice in Africa is much more appealing to me in in many ways. At the very least, we are not fighting with a spirit of entitlement and excessive contemplation of self-reward. I'd much rather advocate for people that have no education, water and healthcare than battle with those that don't understand the privilege of what they have in their hands.

So, what are you willing to do?

"Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be equally outraged by silence. In the great scheme of things, what matters is not how long you live, but why you live, what you stand for, and what you are willing to die for. (Henri F. Amiel)

When it comes down to it, I truly wonder what we are willing to do? Silence comes in many forms and perhaps the worst is complacency. Are we comfortable living our lives not really "looking" at the injustices around us? Are we comfortable just living our lives as moments of opportunity to reach out to others evaporate before our eyes? Are we comfortable thinking that those injustices are too big or unreachable? Who are we kidding? Even with awareness, there is the danger of mere contemplation. Learning, reaching, caring...these are ALL action words. They require not only conviction but also an action toward the goal of improving the lives of others. You don't love someone by just telling them. You don't support someone by looking on. You get in there...personally. All great feats of love and change are made by stepping into people's lives....somehow. Every minute that we overlook costs someone their quality of life, or life itself.

So, let's remember this quote. Let's not focus on rushing through life, getting busy, forgetting the plight of others. Its not about the amount of time we live and how much we can squeeze in. Let's make the most of our moments. Let's live intentionally. Let's really think about what we are living for...loving OTHERS! Our husbands, wives, children...those less fortunate. What are we willing to stand for? You either stand for something or you fall for everything. And that's no consolation to the people that really need us. Be brave, be courageous. Every moment that we choose not to step out is a moment that takes away from someone else's quality of life. For the poor, for those with no voice that we can't see thousands of miles away...or even the homeless right in our cities....those are precious moments that take them further away from hope, love, dignity and opportunity. They are starving for all of these things. Isn't every life worth our effort? What are you going to do about it? Don't procrastinate, start today!

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine what it's like to crouch down on the floor?
With mud for walls and dusty floors and stomachs with no more.
And just a tiny slit in the mud, cracks down a ray of light,
But on those stormy cold wet nights, there's no comfort close in sight.

Can you imagine what it's like to have no food and scrounge it every day?
To walk barefoot to the dump because mother has no pay.
And pick up rotten fruits and meat that no one else will eat,
It's either this or spend the day begging on the street.

And did you know we have no water to wash or cook or drink?
Only water falling from the sky into our dirty,old bucket sink.
To get water we have to walk an hour and a half away,
And even then, that's only if we have money with which to pay.
And if we send our children, we pray they'll be alright,
It can be just as scary as things that happen in our nights.

Can you imagine what it's like to watch your loved ones die?
Afflicted with curable diseases,taken long before their time.
And did you know that often times in shallow graves they lay?
Right in our homes, beneath our feet, that's where they have to stay.

Can you imagine what it's like to be outcast and alone?
While others think that we are cursed and still would throw out stones?
God,I cry out! I've been told that I'm loved and I am yours,
Then, please bring your love, your hope, and your light,
Through our darkened crumbling doors.

Today, I saw some people I've never ever seen!
No one has ever dared to come. I don't know how long it's been.
They walked along the rain drenched roads, reaching out to touch.
No one has ever done that...the warmth, it meant so much.

They even came inside our homes and cared enough to pray,
And this made our hearts to feel that hope was one its' way.
They've come to fill our many needs, every day there's something more.
It revives our souls to see that God has so much more in store.

Their love, it shows Lord, that you're more than able to provide for all our needs,
And for those out there that just don't know, we pray you'll plant the seeds.
May they be able to give up comforts, so that we may merely live,
Willing hearts and serving hands, that's all they need to give.

And now I know we're not alone, forgotten and secluded.
God is bringing His love to Korah and everyone's included.
For God so loved the world that He gave up His only Son,
That all might be free with life overflowing - each and every one.

Angie Appenheimer
August 2010

Pressing on for Korah

I know that it's been a while since my last post. I've been enjoying having the kids at home and continuing to pray and ponder how the Lord would like to lead me in helping the impoverished in Ethiopia. I feel that He has laid a vision before me and a passion that I am called to follow. I have been reading, researching, emailing....and praying so that the path ahead of me will unfold in His time. Alongside Hope International and our team, I am networking and coming up with ways to bring hope, love and a future to Korah, the outcast community which we visited.

The distance has been difficult to bear. Ethiopia is very close to my heart and so every day that passes that I live life here while these beautiful people live in hardship is very difficult for me. Every day that I sit here in my comforts, people are getting sick, people are dying and people are still eating from the garbage dump. I just can't accept that and I will not let my distance keep me from pressing on for the people of Korah. When we were there, they asked us to be their voice...so here I am speaking out however and whenever I can.

There is absolutely nothing that separates us from helping others. Busyness, disinterest, complacency, lack of understanding, thinking we don't have anything to offer,these are things that require a change of thinking. We must move away from self-orientation intentionally to help others. We can all have hearts to love and hands to serve...in some small way. It's not complicated unless we think it so.

If you'd llke to know more about Korah, please leave me a comment. I'll be sure to get back to you. As I continue to believe, with God's strength and vision, we can all work together for hope. No one is forgotten or alone. Of course, that requires a change of thinking, a change of pace, a change from self to others, and a change to action. So, I press on for Korah. Will you join me?

Banking on our needs

We've all heard the term,"banking on it", which means that we're pretty confident about whatever it is that we're hoping for. I can't help but notice lately how much financial institutions are "banking" on our perception of needs. They are doing a great job of convincing us of all that we think could could need and deserve. I've seen banners that read,"You're richer than you think" and "We all have so many needs". Of course, what lenders are doing is giving us an invitation to entertain our perceived needs, followed by a false reality of what we can afford to borrow to get those "must haves". Corporations all over the world are "banking on" consumerism and we are just as enthralled to dive into its promises of happiness and fulfillment. Sure, there are needs that require us to spend money. But, I think that our society has tainted its view of true needs. We've elevated needs to an unhealthy and almost toxic level. Our society is in more in debt than it's ever been, and despite grim economic forecasts, we just keep adding to our list of "things we can't manage without". One of my boys learned the difference between needs and wants at school in his grade 3 class. So, why do we teach it if we can't live it?

Can I tell you through the eyes of an impoverished mother in Korah, an outcast community of lepers, prostitutes, HIV and orphaned children what "needs really look like? This mother uses every ounce of her frail body to get through the day. She has 2 boys, both of which I've met, aged 10 and 2. She lives in a dilapidated shack made of sticks, mud, newspapers, plastic bags and frayed tarp pieces. Her home was made from items at the garbage dump. That's not all that comes from the dump into her home. This mother can't feed her boys every day. Any meal that they do eat is scrounged from the dump too. This mother is too weak to walk to the dump, and so...she sends her boys. They join the crowds that wait as the garbage trucks back up, opening their compactors to release the foul smelling cargo. I'm envisioning all those eyes scanning the huge heaps of garbage looking for any semblance of a bite to eat. I know that this triggers of frantic rush in the crowd. The boys begin their journey home, perhaps in the pouring rain. Their dirty and tattered clothes are now soaked. The older brother wears torn up shoes that are no match for the mud squishing between his toes and the many rocks that make their way into his shoes, cutting the soles of his feet. When the boys arrive at home, they find their mother hunched over in pain. Her belly is swollen; it has been for some time. Her face is sullen and her eyes just look down. She struggles to get to her feet.

News of our team has come to Korah and that there are some nurses. And so, the mother begins her arduous, breathless walk to see if she has some hope of getting better. Faithfully, her little boys follow. The older boy knows that his mother is very sick. His father has died and now he sits with his little brother waiting for news that his mother will be helped. I stand there next to her, watching as she struggles with her breath to lift her foot one small step. I motion to help her. In that moment, her struggle and her reality hit me.

She is very sick. She has no money. She cannot afford medical care. She does not have food or water for her family. Water is one and a half hours away. She has nothing...but her boys. I am told that she is likely to have AIDS, perhaps cancer and that her organs has almost failed completely. She may have 2 months to live. Our team provides the money required to get her to the hospital for urgent care. Will she make it? In the nurse's room, she is told that she is very ill and that they cannot help her without hospital care. She cups her hands and begins to cry.

So, do we really know what "needs" truly are? Will we ever come to understand the danger of wanting so much? What is needed is to step into the reality of this woman's life...into real needs. Needs that draw the line between life and death. We need to know her story. We need to know that her she will more than likely die and that her boys will become orphans. We need to know that we CAN do something about it if we choose...because after all, "we're richer than we think".

And while we're at it, let's carefully stop to evaluate our "needs", our desires and our wants. There isn't anything in this world that can fill us...except for God. Let's not be enslaved to borrowing to the point of becoming broke, or unable to share our resources with those that truly "need" it. Instead, let's take hold of our lives...let's be good stewards of all that is given to us and of all that we can live without. Let's give dignity, opportunity and hope to others by putting their needs before our wants. We can make a difference. That's what we need to "bank" on.

These last few weeks have taken me to unchartered places, except that they are not the places that I expected. These last weeks, I have been grieving. I can't seem to walk through any day, or even any hour without going back in spirit and in heart to the places where I witnessed the deepest levels of poverty and injustice I have ever seen. Re-entering "our world" and coming to grips with the fact that the people that I've met are left behind in "their world" is very difficult for me. I am struggling to understand why the gap is so great. I am struggling to comprehend why precious people are perishing every minute in our waking days. I am struggling to imagine the fear that must creep over a young woman in the darkness of the night.

I am struggling to understand why young children must run to the garbage dump every day to get the best pickings of rotten food. Yet other children, with no slum to call home...live at the dump, sleep at the dump...whose hopes go no further than fighting for the next morsel, and sometimes that fight is with wild dogs. I know that this picture isn't pretty, but it would be unfair to paint another picture, since it wouldn't be the reality of poverty and destitution.

So, now when I drive down the street on "garbage day", I come to the realization that my neatly bagged refuse would be a treasure to starving children. I cannot accept that reality. The thought of it makes me very unsettled, it disturbs me.It makes me feel the injustice very deeply. Frankly, I don't think that we are meant to feel comfortable all the time. Comfort is part of our problem. We need to get out of our comfort zones. Once we experience poverty, whether it be through seeing it with our own eyes, or hearing it from others, we are then called to be responsible for it. Responsibility calls us to be agents of change. How can we look away once we have seen or heard of how others live? By doing nothing, we accept the responsibility for the fact that another life will be sacrificed in a deplorable way so that we may remain comfortable. I don't think that any of us would be ok with accepting that.

So, what do we do with that? Do we chalk up such trips to a great experience seen and short term contributions made? Do we settle back into our world and hope that change will come...eventually...somehow? Do we mean to have the good intentions of making a difference....and hope to remember to do something about it? Do we tell others and hope that they will catch a glimpse of what grieves the heart of God? For me, this deep pain in my heart is good. It reminds me that I am meant to feel for others' struggles and pain. I reminds me that now that I have seen, and now that I am aware of the gap and its height and depth and width that I cannot possibly be the person that I was. I am capable of being part of the change that I want to see in the world. I cannot leave it to someone else. We should not wait for someone else to take those vital steps. Imagine if everyone were to take a step. We'd all be working together for that hope and that change that our world so desperately needs. We'd have a poverty revolution on our hands!

My pain and grieving for the losses that others experience drives me to make a choice. I choose be a part of that change and to walk the road less travelled...choosing to remember the pain of the impoverished and allowing myself to feel it. I am choosing to re-live my moments in Ethiopia with the young, the old, the sick, the dying, the starving, the lepers, the prostitutes, those with Aids, the orphans, and the soon-to-be orphans. I cannot forget the slimy green water where animals drink and people step, the mud between tiny little toes in shoeless feet, the countless flies on little faces, the huge bundles of wood on aching backs, the stumps of wood that serve as feet for the lepers, the missing fingers on hands that shook mine, the stench of urine and dirt emanating from mothers carrying their babies all day and the tiny little shack where a woman's husband lay buried in a shallow grave beneath her feet. I can't forget.....I won't forget. Those people that feel forgotten need to be remembered. They need us to move beyond hearing their stories. They need us to see their lives and to respond. Their lives depend on it. They need us to move beyond our good intentions to actions...to a place where we can get them "of out the dump."

On the wrong side of the bed

Let's be honest. There are days that we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. We wake up disappointed with the challenges that lay ahead....busyness, loneliness, emptiness, confusion. There are a multitude of possibilities and rationales that could keep us from even getting out of bed. Now imagine for a moment that you COULDN'T get out of bed....just as the man in this picture. He is confined to his quarters...to a dark, dingy room that is perhaps 6x8 feet. He has tarps for walls and a filthy dirt floor. Fortunately, the old leper man has a window in his room, but other than that, his room is fairly dark and certainly very dreary. He doesn't choose to stay in his room, he simply can't physically get out of his bed. His leprosy has completely disabled his body. In fact, he struggles to turn his body around to look out that window. He is too weak to get up and do it. I can't imagine this...can you? I remember peeking into his room and finding him there, immobile, almost seemingly paralyzed. Whatever his affliction, nothing stopped him from giving me a wide smile. His eyes were filled with a love that I cannot describe. My arm reached out to his and we shook hands. I said, "God bless you". I don't know if he knew what I was saying or not, but there was a mutual understanding that we were there together in loving kindness. He was so thrilled to have a visitor! I could have peeked in and seen a bitter, angry and ill-tempered man, chiseled by the pain of his circumstances. I could have found a man paralyzed socially by his physical immobility and by his rejection from others. I could have found a man that hid under his dirty covers, or that told me to leave his small abode. Instead, I found a man willing to embrace his day fully, to extend his hand in friendship to me...fully, despite his inability to move on that bed. And so, for this man, there is no getting out of the bed on the wrong side. There is no laying there wondering what his steps out of the bed will bring. There are no physical steps to be taken. There is no daylight to be seen, other than the view that the small window gives him. There are no visitors, no taking a walk or marveling at the children playing. Yet in this man I saw the conviction, the desire and the willingness to live and to share his life. Feeling like you can't get out of bed today? Or perhaps that what lies ahead in your day is too much? Perhaps its time to remember my old friend, the man who walked a thousand steps out of his paralyzed realities to greet me with his all. Perhaps it is time to remember that every day, every thought and every step must be taken captive whether we want to get out of bed or not and whether we wake up on that wrong side of the bed. No matter what our circumstance, each day brings the opportunity to embrace it. After all, the Lord's mercies are new everyday. They are ours to receive. For the men and women of Korah, for the lepers that don't have feet, for the prostituting mothers that face life with shame and reckless abandonment, for the children that will run every day to the dump for their food, and for all the hearts that hope, dream and aspire....let's honor them by getting out of our bed and living life to the fullest. Maybe then, we'll find the purpose, the motivation, the persistence, the understanding and the desire to see God at work and to make a difference in the lives of those that have no voice....and no feet to step out of bed.

A Mother's Love

There are few things that can compare with the beauty of a mother's love. In it's unspoken affections, it cradles civilizations. It births nations and plants the seeds of future generations. It inspires dreams and encourages paths never imagined. It perseveres through the roughest of times, being the strength that is needed to walk many a rocky road or scale the heights of daunting mountains. A mother's love is sacrificial, giving over completely to oneself for the good of another life. It can be the force that drives us when we feel incapable of walking another step, and it can be the gentle whisper that says, "I love you, I believe in you, and there is nothing that you cannot achieve." Love can give wings for one to soar. And yet, I also know that a mother's love can be squelched. It can be dulled by disillusion, by hardship, and by fear. It can be hidden through the depths of internal pain, physical, emotional and spiritual. It can make some feel that they are not enough, even though they are. It can paralyze and be a painful reminder of how one was not loved. And so, within the beauty of motherhood, there is a world that embraces its beauty and a parallel world that hides from its potential. It is this contrast that I reflect on as I remember the mother's of Korah.

On this Mother's Day, I can't help but think of the many mothers that I saw. Yesterday, I sat in the gleaming hot sunshine, enjoying the sound of birds in my yard. My kids were playing around, having fun. My husband was working on some garden projects. Here was a brightness and a joy that the mother's of Korah would not experience. My heart felt that pain and that injustice. Then, my husband asked me what I would like to eat for Mother's Day...a choice to have something that I enjoyed. And what of the mother's that live in Korah? There are no choices, and there are certainly not many husbands around, if any, that would even care to ask even if they had the means. I remember the homes of these women...dark, dingy, holes in the ground. They were not in the ground, but they may have well been. From pure daylight you could walk into their homes into complete darkness. Pitch black! You could barely make out the image of the person in front of you. The homes were made from eucalyptus or bamboo frames and sheathed in newspapers, plastic bags, tarps, ripped clothes...whatever would hold together. Most lived in complete darkness with their children, and yet they still needed to pay $13USD per month for their "home". They had nothing but a dirty heap of blankets on the floor for a bed, where the entire family would sleep, and maybe the luxury of a pot or a coal burner for heat. Tarps draped down as roofs with little protection from the heavy rains. Buckets sat on the dirt floor collecting drips. The home would be damp, musty and cold at night. Cats sat in the rafters for protection. Protection from what? From rats that would eat at fingers and toes at night. As I was walking out of one of the homes (where 22 people lived), a poster caught my eye. It was a laminated sketch of a caucasian woman embracing her child. The print was entitled, "A Mother's Love". No matter where we live, whether it be in precious comforts of North America, or the dark confines of an outcast village.....there is always a mother's love.

These women live in darkness, squalor, depravity, destitution, every single day. They live with no husbands since most have left. They live with many children...and even though the rest of the world will frown upon their fertility in the midst of destitution, the reality is that they are abused, taken advantage of and have no ability to say, "NO!". Drunken men walk the village paths at night, having their drink and their way. There is no access to birth control, no access to healthy food, or water for that matter...and those that do might have to walk and hour and a half, miles and miles. Some send their small children to carry the 50 pound containers. Others walk themselves, with children saddled on their backs. Some hobble along the trek with nothing more than stumps for feet to get there. Money for health care, food, clothes....these are dreams not realized. What do they do for income? Prostituting their bodies....or those of their young children. How much that must grieve a mother's heart! I can't imagine. Others have escaped near death since their husbands tried to kill them because of their disfigurements (leprosy)..and so they live with the reality of rejection and abandonment every single day...outcast by their families. They live with their many children, huddled in tight spaces, covered with dirty blankets. Babies stop breast feeding when they get sick. Then, they stop breastfeeding all together due to a lack of energy. One woman fed her baby a grey, slimy goo out of a dirty plastic container. That's all she had to offer. Her baby is dying. How she must cry at night. Mothers walk to the garbage dump in the search for food with one or more babies swaddled to their bodies. They care for sick and dying children, most of which die of malnutrition before they reach the age of 5. And so, these could be the mothers whose love is dulled by disillusion, hardship, abandonment, and utter desperation. And yet, these were the mothers that I saw passionately clutching their children, caressing their babies, smiling at their toddlers and breaking out into a proud, wide smiles whenever we would stop to look at their children or take their picture. These were the mothers that "just kept going no matter what the day had to offer". These were the mothers that asked us to pray for their sick children, who clutched on to hope for dear life. These were the mothers that broke out into a wail when they found out that they were too sick, perhaps even dying...to sick to care for their children. Can you imagine realizing that your own children will be orphans? These were the mothers that took our hands and kissed them and cried when they received clothes, or medicine or food. And when one of our team members found 2 granola bars in her purse to give to one of these mothers, she did as any mother would do,she gave it to her children. A mother's love...a universal beauty, and in my mind even more beautiful in the women of Korah, that outcast community where even the darkest poverty and the most profound destitution does nothing to hide the passion and the deep love of a mother.

Please pray for the mothers at Korah. I believe that the love and prayers that we were able to give them was a glimpse of the immense love that God has for them. I believe that seeds of hope were planted those days and that our continued prayers will make a huge difference to the mothers of Korah. Please pray for them today.

Lord, we pray for the mothers of Korah. You know their struggles and what lies within their hearts. You see their tears and you hear their cries. Please protect them from the many dangers that meet them in their days, and in their nights. Protect their children from harm and disease and guard their hearts and souls as they witness circumstances that no children should see. Lord, provide them with food and water to sustain their frail bodies. Be their strength and their hope. Help them to walk their long roads until the day that we can all join together to help to release them from their hardships....one day at a time, one need at a time. Lord, the need is tremendous. Help us not to focus on the immensity of the hardship, but on the intensity of your love. Help us to remember the depth and breadth and width of your love for the people of Korah. You cared for them enough that you have brought your light there. You have brought men and women, one a time, to minister your love, your provision, your compassion and your continued hope. Lord, may your covering be over them and your hand of healing be upon them. May you raise up leaders within your kingdom that will be bold, brave and attentive to your leading. Lord, may your seeds of faith, hope and love bloom in this dark place. May your servants and Your word be the light in the darkness. Lord, I lift the mothers of Korah to your loving care. You created them, you know them by name. They are precious in your sight and you love them deeply. May they feel your warmth in the darkness and cold of their nights. May they feel your love in every waking moment. May they remember our visit there. May they remember our smiles, our embraces, kisses on the cheeks, and our prayers. May they know that everything that was given to them, their clothes, medicine, trips to the hospital, food, toys...it was all given in Your love. And finally Lord, please continue to show us how you want us to care for these precious people. Help us to be attentive to your spirit. Help us to continue running the race for your beloved people. With your strength and your leading we can accomplish much. Help us to think BIG and not to settle into resignation or complacency. We were meant to work together for hope.
Lord, thank you for your gift of a mother's love and thank you for each mother at Korah

Today is a difficult day. I just don't have the words today. I feel as though I am on a pendulum, swinging in and out of grief. My mind and heart cannot escape the realities which I witnessed. I know that it is not a burden to carry that is meant to weigh us down, but rather a burden that must be lifted to the One that can ably carry it. Today, I experienced the joy of proposing a little boy to a waiting adoptive family. The tears and joy that I heard gripped my heart. I felt so privileged to have had the opportunity to be a part of this family's journey. What a blessing when a family is built on the seeds of hope, faith, love and trust. God does listen to the desires of our hearts and fulfills our dreams. God answers prayers. There is no doubt. At the same time, my heart is grieving for those orphans whose eyes I can see gazing at me; for the hands that I can yet feel touching my skin....for the cries and whimpers that I can hear that leave me shaken. I remember the deep wailing cry of the mother who was told that she was very sick and that we could not help her. What do I do with that? I remember the tiny eyes of wonderment imprinted in in my heart, as I watched them blow bubbles or get a special toy from our "goody bags". How does one live with these memories? What do I do now? How do I help now? Lord, how do I pray? Today is a difficult day. I miss the ones I left behind, if only in the distance across the ocean. Today is a difficult day. I will go to bed with their smiles and love etched in my heart.